I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
