she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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