Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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