Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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