Are you still at the party or did I leave?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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