let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
