Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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