Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am available for nakedness
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
