My liver just broke up with me...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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