I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
