3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
