he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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