best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
