I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
