woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
