The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
