First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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