did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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