Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
