I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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