You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
