At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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