On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
