You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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