I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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