We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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