It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
