Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
