96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
