Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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