am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
