is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am available for nakedness
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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