cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
