Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
