last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize