I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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