Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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