I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
