Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
