And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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