I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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