just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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