I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
