so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
