Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
