I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
