I think i peed on brittanys purse
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
