Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
