We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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