I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
