Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will be naked everywhere
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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