You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
