I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think people are normalizing furries
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