If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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