Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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