Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
