where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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