she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
