your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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