She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
