we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
