I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
