I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
