I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
