Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
