Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
