GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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