your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
