Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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