I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
